“I mean, really, I want you to think about it. We don’t even know what we’re doing here! Here, as in, on Earth. Literally none of us. We have all these theories, and philosophies, these I think, therefore I am, but we don’t even know what thinking is much less what am means. All these religions we’ve created to try and give some sort of meaning to life, and, heck, one of them is probably true and I even follow one, but it’s insane that there are just so many and someone had to take the time to create a whole belief system and for what? I mean what is it for? Why would someone make a foundation for their life if it inevitably means, well…. nothing?

  “Come on, we don’t even know how Earth was created! We’ve got all these pointless theories and none of us can prove the most simple, the most fundamental question: how did this all start? We can’t prove anything, anything, and I don’t just mean the whole creation thing, I mean all of the rules and theories we’ve created, not that it would even matter if we could prove anything. 

  “All these things we’ve made to give our lives purpose! Think of the most successful a person can be… what is that, like, King or something? But what does that even mean!? It’s just something that some dumb humans made up to try and give ourselves some level of power here and then that King is going to die just like his subjects, just like the peasants, just like the ants, or the grass, or the trees, and none of his accomplishments or riches or power even matters because he’s d e a d. 

 “Who is even going to remember us when we die? Probably neither of us are going to do anything that impacts lives past the next three generations or so, and then our names and faces will just be lost in time like our great great great grandparents, and even if we do manage to do something, eventually all of us will be forgotten, that’s just how the passage of time works, there’s not enough room in our history books for everyone to fit in: Great Mongol leaders are out and Barack Obama is in, baby! Name one Mongol leader! And they, like, dominated the world! But now they’re all forgotten and I will be too, and why does it even matter so much to me considering I’ll be dead and I won’t even know if anyone ever remembers me. 

 “And we must look like such fools, m a n, such idiots to whatever or whoever is controlling this, trying to make some purpose out of all of this and acquiring wealth so that we can just die and pass it on to our offspring, and trying to get promotions in jobs that we made up that we think we need, speaking words that we made up that make no sense, following grammatical rules, I mean think about it! We’re all just a bunch of carbon blobs, walking around, trying to stay fit, trying to get some green paper, and looking for love as if that one is real. I can just imagine whatever made us laughinghootin’ and hollerin’ I mean couldn’t you just see it? We’re worrying about how our lawns measure up to our neighbor’s and what color the ends of our fingers are when none of that has any importance and will never have any importance! 

 “Or we could be part of a simulation; why wouldn’t a planet with infinite resources create us? So that way when we die, we’re just a series of ones and zeroes, floating off into the boundless void of space? We could just be a bunch of lab rats in an experiment, or, ah, man, you ever seen The Truman Show? It’s like that! And I’m Truman and everyone’s an actor! How am I supposed to know? Or maybe you’re Truman and me saying this is just to throw you off, I mean, you have no way of knowing, I’m just a paid actor.  

“Of course, I guess this could just all be a coma, and reality is so much different than this dream I’ve created. And my reality is so much different than yours! I’ll never know what’s going on in your head, and I’ll never be able to understand the thoughts and inner workings of other people. We’re all just boppin around Earth, trying to make sense of things we know quite literally nothing about, and marching toward our inevitable and impending death. And there’s nothing we can do to change that.  

“So that’s what I’ve been thinking about for the past six years, not that it even matters anyway.” 

 “Um, that’s nice. Your total is $7.43 at the first window. Next!”